The past we remember

Today I read "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis. It is a very short book consisting of journals that C.S. Lewis wrote following the death (Cancer) of his wife. It is a very good book mostly because it is, from what I can tell, a very honest book. At one point in the book he is coming to grips with the fact that his wife is dead and trying to fully grasp what that means. He writes,

'H. is dead,' is to say, 'All that is gone.' It is part of the past. And the past is the past and that is what time means, and time itself is one more name for death, and Heaven itself is a state where 'the former things have passed away.'

He refers to his wife as 'H.' here and is trying to express what exactly it means to be dead because he had never been close enough to death to warrant such serious thought on the topic. At this point in life, however, the death of his spouse has infiltrated his entire life. He is in the process of grieving and is, to steal the title of my blog, 'toiling for joy' in spite of death's overwhelming presence.

Although this particular book and quote is about the death of a spouse, I believe this section can be applied to grief in general. I also, believe it has some important things to say about joy and boredom. Time is always moving forward, bringing us to new experiences, whatever they may be (joyous, grievous, boring). Not to sound morbid, but we are all dying. And we will all meet our maker at the end of all things. The wonderful thing about being a child of God is that we can look forward to that day when we go to a place where 'the former things have passed away.' All our earthly joy, grief and boredom will have ceased and we will enter into eternity in the presence of perfect love where, 'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning, crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away' (Revelation 21:4). I have no problem leaving my earthly grief and boredom behind when I enter heaven. However, when I think of leaving behind my earthly joy, it makes me sad and afraid. We become quite attached to our joys in this life. Whether it be a favorite hobby, a favorite place, a favorite person - we are not eager to surrender these things. I think it's the fact that we are not eager to surrender them that is the reason we must. If we hold too tightly to anything in this life we begin to idolize that above God and our gaze is tugged down and away from our Heavenly Father. And our Father is ultimate reality and truth. As Lewis ponders in another section in the book,

'Is this last note a sign that I'm incurable, that when reality smashes my dream to bits, I mope and snarl while the first shock lasts, and then patiently, idiotically, start putting it together again? And so always? However often the house of cards falls, shall I set about rebuilding it? Is that what I'm doing now?'

He goes on to elaborate on this idea that we are constantly building a house of cards under the false belief that we are building it on faith. I see a lot of wisdom in his observation here. He goes on to say later,

'You can't, in most things, get what you want if you want it too desperately: anyway, you can't get the best out of it.'

The point he is getting at is that we must order our loves appropriately. Our Father in heaven must be the end that we seek. Our love for other people (or other things) must flow out of that love and must not supersede it. It is so difficult to live every day with Colossians 3:2 in mind and to pray without ceasing as we are urged to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:17. I want to do this better because I believe that if we can properly order our love we will find that our boredom is less numbing, our grief has less of a sting, and our joy overflows. And all of these experiences will be to the glory of God - and we will find that the only past we remember are those times when we were gazing upon our mighty king and Father and we saw the beauty of his smiling face.


Psalm 27:4
"One thing I ask from the Lord,
This only do I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple."

You are strong and you love me

Very infrequently am I brought to tears. Even more infrequently are my tears brought forth because of the music and lyrics of a song. But during the past month I have found tears running down my cheek while listening to a particular song. The only other time I remember being brought to tears because of a song is when I was 16 at a summer camp called Christ in Youth (CIY). The song was called "Enough" and it brought me to tears because it helped me to realize that I needed to submit my life to the God of the universe because he loved me more than I could imagine. To digress a bit, I know Christians get a bad reputation for not embracing the intellect and relying too much on faith and warm fuzzy feelings about God, but that is not what I meant by my last sentence. I spent the previous nine months thinking about God, death and eternity after my close friend Les Clem died in a freak accident. This culminated in a week spent in South Carolina at CIY trying to listen to God. I eventually came to understood the gospel message of His love for humanity and decided to seek God's kingdom and righteousness.

I suspect some people think that Christianity is a one-time decision. You decide to follow all of God's rules one day and then you proceed to live as a goody-two-shoes for the rest of your life so that people like you and you have the hope of spending eternity in Heaven rather than Hell.

God doesn't want that to be what Christianity is about at all, and I like to think that that is not what I have done in my walk with God. He desires an intimate relationship with each person he created (all people who have ever existed). This is why we are urged to pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17). After all, Jesus does say that the greatest commandment in all of scripture is to, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind" (Luke 10:27). And we should desire to enter into this relationship, because he is perfect (Matthew 5:48). However, if we go months or years without feeling God tugging at our hearts it should warrant a serious spiritual audit. We should ask ourselves, "Am I coming to know God and His love more fully?" Jesus' disciples came to, " ... believe and to know that [Jesus was] the Holy One of God (John 6:69). Can we say the same? And I'm not saying that we need to meet a crying quota where we must shed a tear each month at the thought of God's love, just to make sure that we are growing closer to God. However, we should pray with Paul that we might be rooted and established in love, having, " ... power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." If we attain that understanding, I believe it will change the essence of who we are.

As I mentioned before, a song called "Enough" helped me to attain a momentary understanding of God's love. In the past few months I have been finding tears running down my cheeks while listening to another song. The song is called "Your love Is Strong" by Jon Foreman, the lead singer of switchfoot (Jon Foreman's myspace page). It gives us a glimpse of the incredible blessing that living in an intimate relationship with God can be. The lyrics are found below:

Heavenly Father, you always amaze me
Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life
Give me the food I need to live through today
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wrong me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need
___________________________________

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong X3
___________________________________

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart, invade this broken town
The kingdom of the Heavens is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

_____________________________________

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong X4
_____________________________________

Our God in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons.

Jon's version of The Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) book-ends this song which includes multiple references to scripture and urges us to realize that we have a God whose love is strong. I want to write first about the section quoted below:

I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need.

To open the song Jon uses The Lord's Prayer, but changes it to the first person perspective as if he were starting his day with this prayer. The section that follows, and which is quoted above, is also written in a narrative form and gives me an image of someone starting their day walking outside. These lyrics helps us to see God as the sovereign King over all of creation - and what a beautiful creation it is! It's an unmistakable reference to Jesus' sermon on the mount; particularly Matthew 6:25-34. Jon poses the questions, "Why do I worry? Why do I freak out?" but immediately answers the questions by confidently singing, "God knows what I need. You know what I need." And there is so much truth in his answer! They aren't original lyrics because he is taking from Matthew but he sings it with such conviction and faith that it inspires us toward the same faith. It is comforting to know that we are in the hands of an all-powerful and all-knowing creator who wants what is best for us (Romans 8:28).

After a triplet of the chorus where he praises the strength of the Father's love, the next section focuses on the idea of the Kingdom of Heaven. It is quoted below:

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart, invade this broken town
The kingdom of the Heavens is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me.

This part helps us to understand what it means to be a citizen of the kingdom of heaven. Much of the idea behind this section can be found in Matthew 13. So what is the Kingdom of Heaven (also referred to as the Kingdom of God)? It is essentially the body of Christ, which is made up of Christ himself as well as all the saints who have believed in him and served him as Lord, seeking his perfection. As Christ is resurrected, so are those who believe! Read 1 Corinthians 15 to understand why Jon asks that the kingdom of heaven would "invade [his] heart." Verses 42-44 and 54-55 specifically point to the future glory that is promised to those who are a part of the Kingdom of God. The kingdom that we will inherit is a treasure indeed (Matthew 13:44)! Looking back to Matthew 6, from which much of this song was built, Jesus reminds us that " ... where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." It's extremely difficult to place that much value on something that we only get glimpses of here in this earthly realm, especially when we have plenty of distractions that tempt and try our faith. But we follow in the footsteps of such great men as are found in Hebrews chapter 11 where the author reminds us that " ... faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)." The men in Hebrews 11 " ... were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things they were promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth (Hebrews 11:13)." Therefore we should take the author's advice from Hebrews 12:1-2 and " ... run the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith." Let us ask ourselves, like Jon encourages us to, where we have put our treasure, and thus our hearts (Matthew 16:26). But, before we decide if we are content with our current treasure, let us not forget the two things that Jon wants us to remember about God. He is strong and he loves us (1 Corinthians 6:14; 1 John 3:16)!

To bring the song to an end Jon passionately repeats the chorus and then sings The Lord's Prayer, but this time he reverts back to collective language (our, us) as opposed to using singular language (I, me). As he concludes the song he changes from a tone of personal reflection to a tone of intercessory prayer and proceeds to pray/sing The Lord's Prayer over the kingdom and it's citizens. The Lord's Prayer is such a beautiful prayer that is full of submissive language, which is very contradictory to the brand of prayer that we have gotten used to these days. I am learning that a few of the basics of prayer are thankfulness, humility and submission to the will of the Father. It is more like casting a vote to carry our cross for the day than it is dropping a suggestion in the suggestion box. And that is the overwhelming tone of this song and why it is book-ended with this prayer. God is in control and it is His will that will prevail! But his will is not an evil, despicable, malevolent one! It is good, pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2). This song reminds me that I need to remember a few things before I start my day. He is strong! He knows what I need! He loves me!



PS: I would like to challenge anyone reading this to listen to this song each morning before they start their day for a month straight. Listen to it two or three times before you leave to start your day.

Doublespeak and Sin

The band Thrice came out with an album called Beggars recently and it is full of christian imagery and theology. My favorite song from the album is Doublespeak because it challenges me to confront sin in my life and at the same time reminds me of the despair in which unbelievers are caught.

Lyrics to Doublespeak by Thrice:

I drug my heart with doublespeak,
All my misgivings disappear.
It helps to keep my conscience clean.
The ends will justify the means.
But still I'm always careful what I hear.

I don't wanna know who really pulls the strings,
Just as long as it's not you or me.

_____________CHORUS____________________

There's a jackboot toe tap keeping time,
while the children dance and play.
Honey, if you think you've seen a crime,
you just look the other way.
________________________________________

I slowly carve my soul away.
Piece by piece I sacrifice.
To comfort and peace of mind
(I keep my toes on the party line.)
There's nothing wrong dear, don't think twice.

I don't wanna know who really pulls the strings,
Just as long as it's not you or me.

______________CHORUS X4_________________

I drug my heart with doublespeak,
All my misgivings disappear.
It helps to keep my conscience clean.
The ends will justify the means.
But still I'm always careful what I hear.

When I listen to these lyrics it seems to give a startling description of what it means to be a coward or a fool. You can interject the lyrics into myriad contexts and settings, but the essence of what is being described here is cowardice and foolishness.

I would like to clarify one thing before I go on. Doublespeak is a word that is likely derived from George Orwell's novel 1984 and is similar to the word doublethink, which is to hold two contradictory thoughts at the same time while accepting both to be true.

Considering this fact, the lyrics seem to be illustrating someone who is intentionally ignoring reality in order to maintain some sense of inner-peace (although it is a false sense). Someone who is not only apathetic, but hypocritical at the same time - a person who cares only about avoiding negative feelings like shame, guilt, anxiety, etc. Someone who is simply not able to face and confront the reality of God's holiness or sin's power to enslave and destroy.

The entire song is amazing lyrically, but the most disheartening and powerful part of the song is the excerpt below:

I drug my heart with doublespeak,
All my misgivings disappear.
It helps to keep my conscience clean.
The ends will justify the means.
But still I'm always careful what I hear.

I believe this lyric can apply to both Christians and non-Christians alike. We (Christians) utilize this doublespeak when the power of sin inside each of us overpowers our devotion to God and we disobey God's laws. Sometimes we find it easier to continue on in sin than to repent and humble ourselves before God. The Holy Spirit convicts our hearts of our sin, but we insist on drugging our hearts with self-justification ("No one can be perfect, it's just a white lie"), self-deception ("I'll stop doing this tomorrow - this is the last time"), or even self-righteousness ("I'm not really sinning"). Non-Christians do the same things when they encounter God's truth by interacting with believers, scripture or even directly with God through prayer or some other supernatural experience. Although, during these encounters, they are momentarily aware of their shame and guilt that arise from their sin, they build up these walls of justification, deception and false-righteousness around themselves to alleviate the negative feelings. I believe people also use this doublespeak to blind ourselves from many other injustices like poverty and natural disasters. While we know these injustices exist, Christians find ways to ignore the people who suffer as a result, and non-Christians ignore the reason behind the injustice (sin's effect on all of creation). We are quite clever when something threatens our happiness.

The last line of this excerpt is what I want to close with. This line is what will make or break you, whether you are a Christian or a non-Christian. In this song the character/writer is making a point to be careful of what he lets himself hear because, if he isn't careful, he might hear something he doesn't like - something that upsets his happiness. So, here are a few challenges in response to this:

Be brave enough to listen to God. Be honest enough to discover what you are protecting (Is it your own happiness or false sense of peace?). Be humble enough to admit you are wrong. Be bold enough to change.

God Revealed

Hello World

I don't even know why I made this thing because I have few things to say and there are even fewer people who are likely to listen. So, maybe I'll make another entry sometime. Peace!

P.S. If anyone wants to listen to some good music, pick up RED's new album 'End of Silence'. It is top notch! http://www.christianitytoday.com/music/artists/red.html